Gambling is an exciting activity enjoyed by millions of people worldwide, including Kiwis. It’s a pastime that can be both thrilling and rewarding but also risky if you’re not careful. One of the best ways to enjoy gambling is by keeping a sense of humour, and what better way to do that than by sharing some of the funniest gambling quotes ever said?

In this article, we’ve compiled 45 funny gambling quotes that will make you chuckle, whether you’re an experienced gambler or just starting. So, without further ado, let’s dive into the list.

44 funniest gambling quotes

1. “I’ve been playing poker for a living for ten years now, and I still suck at it.” — Mike Sexton
2. “The only way to win at gambling is to be born lucky.” — Eric Weiss
3. “A dollar won is twice as sweet as a dollar earned.” — Paul Newman
4. “If you’re playing a poker game, and you look around the table and can’t tell who the sucker is, it’s you.” — Paul Newman
5. “The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it in your back pocket.” — Will Rogers
6. “You can’t win at gambling, but you can lose slower.” — Anonymous
7. “I love blackjack. But I’m not addicted to gambling. I’m addicted to sitting in a semicircle.” — Mitch Hedberg
8. “The urge to gamble is so universal and its practice so pleasurable that I assume it must be evil.” — Heywood Broun
9. “I bet on a horse at ten-to-one. It didn’t come in until half-past five.” — Henny Youngman
10. “The best bet for a player is to act like an idiot in front of a maniac.” — Doyle Brunson
11. “Aces are larger than life and greater than mountains.” — Mike Caro
12. “The only difference between a winner and a loser in a casino is that the winner knows when to quit.” — Anonymous
13. “A gambler never makes the same mistake twice. It’s usually three or more times.” — Terrence “VP Pappy” Murphy
14. “I spent all my money on gambling, alcohol, and women. The rest I wasted.” — WC Fields
15. “The worst thing that can happen to a gambler is to win.” — Anonymous
16. “When your opponent is betting heavily, it’s best to sit back and let him do the work for you.” — Anonymous
17. “If you’re playing a game, and you’re not winning, it’s time to switch games.” — Anonymous
18. “The problem with winning at gambling is that a minute later, you’re bored and broke.” — Anonymous
19. “The house always wins. Unless, of course, you’re the house.” — Anonymous
20. “The difference between gambling and business is that in business, you have to know what you’re doing.” — Anonymous
21. “I have terrible luck at gambling, but I always seem to have great luck with the opposite sex.” — Anonymous
22. “The only sure thing about luck is that it will change.” — Bret Harte
23. “Gambling is legal, and betting is legal, for what I bet.” — Michael Jordan
24. “Blackjack is the only game where you can beat the house if you know what you’re doing.” — Anonymous
25. “Quit while you’re ahead. All the best gamblers do.” — Baltasar Gracian
26. “The world is like a reverse casino. If you gamble long enough in a casino, you will certainly lose. But in the real world, where the only thing you’re gambling is, say, your time or your embarrassment, then the more stuff you do, the more you give luck a chance to find you.” — Scott Adams
27. “The house doesn’t beat the player. It just allows him to beat himself.” — Nick Dandalos
28. “In gambling, the many must lose so that the few may win.” — George Bernard Shaw
29. “Gambling is not about how well you play the games; it’s really about how well you handle your money.” — V.P. Pappy
30. “The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavour upon the business known as gambling.” — Ambrose Bierce
31. “Gambling is the great leveller. All men are equal in cards.” — Nikolai Gogol
32. “Trust everyone, but always cut the cards.” — Benny Binion
33. “Gambling is the sure way of getting nothing for something.” — Wilson Mizner
34. “The world is a casino, and life is a bet.” — J. Maarten Troost
35. “There is no gambling like politics.” — Benjamin Disraeli
36. “Las Vegas is the only place I know where money really talks—it says, Goodbye.” — Frank Sinatra
37. “Gambling is like love; it requires luck and a little bit of skill.” — Anonymous
38. “Gambling operates under the premise that greed can be satisfied by luck.” — Rita Mae Brown
39. “Life is like a game of poker. You have to play the hand you’re dealt. Take risks, bluff, and hope you don’t get called.” — Chris Moneymaker
40. “Gambling is a disease of barbarians, superficially civilised.” — Dean Inge
41. “The difference between poker and stocks is that poker is always fun, even when you’re losing.” — Anonymous
42. “The only thing worse than a loser is someone who won’t admit he played badly.” — Kevin Spacey
43. “When a man with money meets a man with experience, the man with experience leaves with money, and the man with money leaves with experience.” — Suraj Dahal
44. “Horse sense is a good judgment which keeps horses from betting on people.” — W.C. Fields

Ending thoughts

These 44 funny gambling quotes show us that there is always a lighter side to every experience, even gambling. However, we should never forget that gambling can be risky and approach it cautiously. Nonetheless, if you are a new gambler, you might be interested in the top $10 deposit bonus in NZ for New Zealand players. And if you are looking to get good at gambling, you might want to check out our tips for playing slots and card games on Casinority NZ. Gambling can be a fun experience if we approach it with the right mindset, and these funny quotes remind us of that.