You’re a couple in love. Naturally, you’re going to fight once in awhile. However, being frustrated or angry with your partner doesn’t have to be destructive, as long as you know how to approach the argument. Well, luckily, we’re not helpless when it comes to how we fight. We have a choice about how we act during them, and whether we surrender to our crappiest selves, or fight against acting needlessly destructive. Fighting with the person you love will always suck, but here are five ways to make it suck a little bit less
Don’t Get Disrespectful
You easily start to forget that the person you are fighting to is the one you love. Which is how we end up doing petty, cruel things in arguments like calling our partner names, and bringing up things that we know they’re sensitive about. When all the blood rushes into your head and you feel an argument coming on, you do not realize what you say or do when angry. You can get a rush from name-calling in the heat of the moment — but those words are going to stick in your partner’s mind long after the fight is over.
What To Do Instead: It’s tough to check yourself when a fight is happening, but give it a try. Just recall how much it would hurt them if you open or talk about an old wound of him, and a small argument can hurt him so much at that moment. Is there a way to express how angry and hurt you feel right now that won’t cause your partner to feel like you don’t respect them when this is all over?
2. Don’t Fight To Win
It feels amazing for about two minutes when you win a fight, actually feels awesome that you were able to superimpose your point of view over his but that’s roughly the two minutes time it takes to long it takes for the shame of having purposefully hurt someone that you care about, just for the sake of being “right,” to set in. Try to explain your viewpoint and give a chance to your partner to express himself equally. Relationships are not about competition within but about understanding of the two.
What To Do Instead: Don’t just remember what you’re fighting about — remember who you’re fighting with. This is someone whom you care about. You don’t want to annihilate them just for the hell of it. A fight is many things, but it isn’t a contest — you don’t get a better relationship if you succeed in wearing your partner down until they give up.
3. Don’t Keep Fighting After You’ve Run Out Of Steam
When you totally forgotten what you were the one who started this fight first then when not to take an initiative to stop it first? It doesn’t make you weak, or that you’ve “lost” the fight; it just means that you value your connection with your partner more than “winning” this fight, and that you’re mature enough to admit that fighting for fighting’s sake sucks.
What To Do Instead: Just say, “I want to take a break.” Don’t add anything judgmental, like “You have pulled us far off course, so I don’t think this fight is going anywhere.” Just take a few moments away from the fight, and see what happens.
You might actually see the fight itself blow away in the breeze — because most of our fights are only held together by our willpower, and the second we stop giving them that power to feed off of, they stop existing
4. Don’t Lose Focus
So you’re arguing how your partner spends too much time around on their phone when you guys are together. Well, since you’re already yelling, this is a great time to bring up how disappointed you are that you two haven’t gotten engaged yet, right?