#8290: Should I Feel Guilty For Loving Him?

I am 29 and had a relation ship in which i was heavenly loved and cared.. near 2010 to 2014… until i woke up with a bitter truth of My life.. I lost him with a Single statement My family wont accept u at any cost… the day my whole earth were shook like anything… this is the month I lost my most fav. person, my frnd …. My dad. I was completely numb. i was not in state to ask a single ques. Why?? why u are leaving like this, when i need u the most… I had responsibility so i moved to other city to earn to complete my study and upgrade my profile. Although I have many frns, but many o them showed me their ugly face… i kept moving without responding any od shit…in 2018 I returned back to my hometown becoz my younger one was sinking emotionaly… I got handsome work conttract near my hometown, so I found it a wise decision to stay in hometown and taking care of family… But i wasnt aware of real storm waiting for me… since the day I came back…everyone started pressurising me for getting married… it was highly irresistible of daily affray..and i started hanging out on chats with my ex colleagues and “A client”.. I hadn’t met that Guy..but he keeps texting me, Initially I avoided with single word response or no response but gradually it turns into long conversation coz he was actually not like other guys… never ask me to date or something no personal ques. usually boys does.. and one day he ask me Whether we can go for marriage… I thought its a casual question or he has no serious intention coz it was just 15-16 days of sharing talks.. but he visited his home and declared with my some of FB pics, this is the girl i wanted to marry… and after that I found continuous pins and rings on my phone… his mom, cousins, siblings, everyone started calling me… i was not ready for this because.. i was actually not ready for marriage and totally unknown with the guy… we hadn’t met even.. there was huge differences in family, caste and color (M dusky and he is fair)…it was hard to handle alone and i spit everything to my mom thinking atleast they will take some action or atleast do verification about boy.. but its went wrong.. instead of verifying his background they invited him to home, he came and promised soon his parents will visit too for Roka. My mom and other family member were very excited but for me it was like an illusion… Time passes, he kept making stories mom is ill dad has surgery,, brother has issues etc etc. and my family kept believing and forcing me to get court marriage.. the things at my home get worse.. and i left home, and after 2 day of continuous journey i returned home and decided to say No for this marriage…. but like before… no one was ready to listen anything.. they stared torturing me and themselves too..throughout the time i was in touch with the boy.. I told him evrything he supported me in every way. My family was totally indifferent to me and i was getting close to the boy.. raising hand using slang language and emotional drama, mind games was became routine and normal thing… which has started affecting my mental and physical health. this was the toughest time of my life, i have never thought my family will tend like this, i got severally ill and got hospitalised for three days… i begged the boy to visit me… and he does and bring to his place… all his effort made me to fall for him. for the good shake of my family relationship we went for court marriage and came back to home after that, He requested me to carry my treatment from the city he lived and i did the same…. but the thing was common .. he always disappeared at the time of bill payment… i never expected him to the bill but still…. it was quite shocking.. a Guy who is with me in every way..disappeared at the time when its time to pay Money.. he hardly involve romantically, every time asking for money for minor or major expenses, which arose my curiosity and i started digging the truth behind this behaviour, and i found him totally in debt, he never shared this thing to me and kept lying. I was broken why he did this… he confesses he was in love and never want to lose me… that is why he never mentioned about his financial issues.. and this this the cause he is guilty and cant give me the love a wife deserves… i actually dont know whether i had taken right decision or wrong… apart of Financial problem.. I am most happy girl living in my fairy world. but sometimes it causes frustration and huge fight between us. This is a request to all..reading this post.. Loving is not wrong but marrying to a right person in wrong situation is better to live separate and support each other. I left my brand life and started living simple life coz i found the one who always keeps me on First place.. But I can feel his soul guilt..sometimes teary eyes and his helplessness that he cant give things i deserve… and his guilt kills me somewhere.. I gave all of my savings.. but still we are living in scarcity… hoping time will heal our wound… we are neither happy nor said… sometime we cry sometimes we laugh… its a life… Dont take decision when u are emotionally down.. use ur brain with heart… stay happy…

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