Don’t Hesitate To Discuss Your Personal Problems; Share It With Us

I am a 64-year-old woman. I lost my husband 10 years ago and my only son and I have been living together alone ever since. Some time ago my son told me that he wanted to marry a woman he had met at a friend’s house. I was overjoyed because I had been worrying about how I would manage to settle my son, who is a rather quiet young man. I at once told him to bring the girl home.

But when my son did this, I at once knew that she was not the girl for him. This girl was flighty and could not remain still for even five minutes – while my son loves to read and rarely talked unnecessarily. With nothing in common, how would they get along, I wondered. But I smiled and welcomed the girl and when they both said that they wanted to be married soon, I behaved as if I agreed with them and said that that would be best. But when my son later told me that as the girl’ father was not in a position to pay for the wedding we should pay for it, I was taken aback.

They got married and the days passed. My daughter-in-law did not do any housework or cooking, she got up late every morning and wanted to go out every evening. And when my son announced that his holiday was over and he had to begin going to office, she threw a tantrum. Now it is six months since my son got married and I am at the end of my tether. Life for my son and his wife seems to be full of arguments. My son is losing weight but seems determined to make a success of his marriage.

But I am not as strong as he is. There is also the fact that nowadays my daughter-in-law does not hide the fact that I irritate her. I feel humiliated by her behaviour, which my son does not notice because my daughter-in-law is careful to keep it from him. Now I am thinking more and more in terms of moving into a home though I am myself stunned that I am even thinking of doing this because I have never done anything by myself.

But, on the other hand, I can do this because I have my own money and will be able to afford to go and stay in a fairly decent home. I am deeply upset at the turn my life has taken. Should move into a home? If I do this I know that my son will be very upset—but I feel it will be for the best. Please advise.

It is indeed sad that at this age, you should be thinking of going to live in a home.

Actually you need not take this step because your son will be very upset if you do this and he will also certainly stand up for you if his wife outsteps her limits. There is also the fact that you have never lived alone and there is no need for you to do so late in life. So just ignore your daughter-in-law and remain close to your son.

I am a 22-year-old woman and have just got a job in a company as an assistant to the manager. Till a few months ago, this would have made both my father and my mother very happy (I am their only child) and they would have advised me to work hard and make a name for myself so that I would rise in the organisation.

But that was what they would have done in the very different world of a few months ago! The world we have been living in for the last few months is a very different one of politics and politicians! Because of this change, they are most dissatisfied and are sneering at my job and telling me that they will get me a much better one! And this “miracle” has been caused by the fact that my father has suddenly become an important man!

My father has been a middle level worker in politics (I do not want to mention which party he has belonged to for many years) and he made enough for us to have a fairly comfortable life. But six months ago, he was suddenly asked to stand for the next election that was due in a year and was allocated a large sum of money for this.

I am afraid that this money has gone to the heads of both parents and they have started to feel that the new money they have can buy them anything and everything. Besides this, they are doing things that they were totally against earlier – like buying the votes of people. All this is upsetting me and making me wonder where it will all end and where it will leave my parents. I do not want them to do wrong things and get into trouble. Please advise me on what I can do to prevent this.

Though you have been in a political environment practically all your life, you do not seem to know anything about the nitty-gritty of politics or that today it is money that calls the shots!

This is not to say that there are no men and women who are fighting this – but they are few and far between. You seem to have been unaware of the fact that your father and mother must have been aware of the role money was playing in the political system though they perhaps got to handle money only now.

If however you are really shocked by what your parents are doing you can tell them that and refuse to take their help in getting a more lucrative job. Go on talking to them about clean politics and – who knows? – it might have an effect on them.