The alpha male’s secret side.
By Kalpana M Naghnoor
When we say men are from Mars and women are from Venus, as clichéd as it may sound, there are truths here, that men differ in the emotional quotient, as well as in the equation of an honest transaction. Transgressions come easily to men as adventure and novelty appeals more to them. Man is a natural forager, he is wired to explore newer realms, and many studies have proven that theory. Women on the other hand are natural nurturers and hence they tend to keep to safe territory. All the signs we are talking about in this article are not signs in extraordinary circumstances, it is important for the reader to understand that the signs are in daily routine and existing circumstances.
The natural forager likes action and is on the move, there is a certain inclination to be on the go. That is precisely why it is difficult to contain even young boys in a room, they tend to get fidgety and tiresome, because they feel the urge to be on the move, to move to the next territory, savour the new territory and enjoy the new adventure. When boredom sets into a marriage or a relationship, then you know there is a chance that he may look to new charters. This disinterest and a sense of boredom is one of the warning signs that your man maybe on the road to a cheat spree. But we need to keep in mind the stresses that crop up in daily life, evaluate our present circumstances and then view his boredom in the right frame of thought. Does that mean that your partner needs to be constantly amused? No! The relationship has to be a naturally interactive one, the spouse involvement between each other needs to be on an even keel.
When there is a surge in your partner’s demeanour and a spring in the step, for no apparent reason, then find out why there is this abundant laughter in his life, when yours seems mundane! Promotions at the work place and large dividends flowing in is a good reason to be abundantly happy. But if life has been coursing for the rest of the family in just the regular manner, and just your spouse has a secretive smile plastered on his face, do not accept the office congeniality situation or the benefits of yoga. It has to be something else.
In a relationship emotions are shared and the circumstantial emotional quotients need to match. If it does not, then it is time to take action and at the least find out. Sometimes an extramarital relationship meant to be kept just as a fling usually brings on this sudden surge of happiness – for two reasons.
One reason is, such relationships bring in a lot of excitement, the second reason is there is no envisaged responsibility in it or burden from it. It is free happy times of transgression.
Alfa male ego surge
You find your partner feeling rather like a king, because he is financially gaining strength as well as a coterie is forming around him and they are fanning his ego. Then the alarm should go off in your head, as your presence is waning in his life. New success and new-found financial securities, are mostly invested in other relationships as the coterie begins to act as a buffer between you and your spouse, causing a chasm. The adulation from the coterie tends to lead a man astray and seek new relationships, especially when the partner has been wedged out by the coterie. Politicians are an example of this, but even bureaucrats as well as small businessmen tend to stray at this point.
When a man feels indefatigable, then all his adrenals are flowing and if he is not investing his time with you, then it is time to feel the threat and take caution. It will be the right time to enter the coterie and break it up.
When you find your partner is forgetful and does not suffer from Alzheimer’s, then please take note, he is preoccupied. His mind can be too much into a relationship outside the marriage. This relationship could be so much on his mind that all else seems miniscule in importance to delve into. When you find your man is forgetting the important things about his family nuances, and misplaces his keys and forgets where the light switches are, either he is in a relationship, which he willfully does not want to get out of, or that the parallel relationship is equally important, as the one he is established with socially. Of course, this is true if there are no other conceivable worries.
But it is necessary not to jump to a conclusion without evaluating other problems that may occupy his mind. This forgetfulness begins with more serious extramarital affairs; it has been recorded.
When facts don’t add up
It is not just lying. It is not as simple as that. One cheat sign is that the facts do not add up. He takes longer than usual to pick up the child from school. He needs more time in office but comes home looking rested. He spends more money on the family out of the blue. Men usually do that when they are guilty about cheating on their wives. Unwarranted expensive gifts should sound the alarm bells. Unreasonable compliments and buffering praise too should warn you something is amiss. One subtle, but an important sign is when your partner is liberal or lenient with your time. When he easily adjusts to your tardy timing, or allows more ‘me time’ than required, then you need to think why.
These are not the cardinal rules of the cheat games, but they are the large pointers of the subtle changes we see in our partners, but cannot perceive because these signs are not glaring. They come coupled with success, stress, and living changes that it is possible to miss them until the relationship has been lost to another or just simply lost.