What jealousy does.
By I. M. Soni
Jealous” means resentfully suspicious of a rival or a rival’s influence. For example, a husband is jealous of other men’s influence on his wife. The reverse is also true. Jealousy also requires exclusive loyalty.
Jealousy is the emotional tax we pay for the person we love. It may occur from a quick twinge or work to a fury.
Jealous people cannot keep their fury to themselves. By word or by action, they make it obvious. And there lies its biggest damage. Jealousy conceded, like anger, saves many human relationships. Given a full blast display, it destroys, or corrodes, like acid.
There is a jealousy which is not very hurting. As long as you and your boyfriend understand each other, a fleeting fit of jealously from one of you can be taken by the other as an appreciation of how much you mean to them. This demands emotional maturity.
By the same token, being jealous of your boyfriend can be a reassurance that he is desirable. As long as you are both aware of the emotion, it is welcomed by both.
If that is the case, you are not jealous of your boyfriend, or vice versa, does it mean you do not care enough?
A girl asks her boyfriend if he was ever jealous of her. He replied in the negative. She took it as an insult. He was being honest.
He asked you out and you got together with a group. You knew he was popular, but it was annoying whenever another girl wanted his attention. Lapping it up he seemed to spend more time with others when being with you.
If you have experienced this, you know how ripped-off you feel. Why did he ask me out anyway? Am I just an appendage? Is he trying to make me jealous? Well, whether he is aware of it or not, that is probably how you feel.
You are showing insecurity and resentment. When you are anxious, you feel threatened even by the most innocent happenings.
They are all after him. You worry about competition, the possible losses of a special friend becomes a nagging obsession.
If you are not obsessed, then it is perhaps a case of insecurity. You think too little of yourself and take the blame for matters totally out of your control.
Judging yourself by your actions, achievements, friends and possessions, you probably believe a better human being is more beautiful and hence more likeable.
For example, you might feel that all the other girls around are prettier and that makes them better than you are. Consequently, you damn or praise yourself, depending on what happens to you.
With observations, intelligence and a bit of snooping, you may feel that your boyfriend is actually losing interest in you. Keep your cool. Suspicion sounds a bell.
When resentment comes, you become bitter. It is a feeling of indignation which you attribute to your gutless boyfriend having a hobby that you do not share. You might feel you are left alone too often.
Obsession is a different matter. When you cannot get him off your mind, then perhaps it is time to distinguish between love and obsession. It is a case of infatuation with someone, no matter what. As such, you are jealous of his time spent without you and with others whom he is in close contact with.
Assuming you are the jealous one, have you ever tried to work out the effects of your bile? The issue is: What are you trying to prove and will it work?