Society today compels you to be skeptical about a new partner. Even though your new boyfriend may seem nice, polite, and courteous, he could be painting a different picture and not showing his true colors. It’s unfortunate, but it’s life.
Thanks to the internet, it’s very easy to check another person’s background. Many court districts nationwide have public records online, which you can search for free. However, very few courts collaborate to create a single record database, and searching takes some time and effort.
Getting started
Typically, you can find records of arrests and convictions and prison or jail records. Informed sources recommend using a search pattern that starts with a general name search in different combinations. Some of the combinations experts recommend are first and last name, adding a date of birth, adding a middle name, and searching only the middle name and the last name. The more information you have, the better. A phone number, address, email, or place of birth would also be helpful.
After this step, you could do a search on big cities in the area where he grew up, then move to towns and smaller cities. It’s up to you how much time you want to spend on this. If your new boyfriend isn’t from your area or hasn’t been there long, it would mandate a longer search.
Check him out through a people finder
People finders combine publicly accessible information, including criminal records, court records, and public filings. You need to register at these sites and provide basic personal details to use them. If your boyfriend uses your computer occasionally, make sure you delete your browsing history. Few people take well to being scoped out.
Some people use their contacts with police officers to conduct a background check. Others pay specialized companies to do background checks. Still, others turn to private detectives. There are all kinds of options.
What if you don’t find anything?
A lack of information online doesn’t have to mean everything is fine. If something seems off about him, it probably is. Trust your intuition and be aware of situations and surroundings.
Red flags
He may be who he says he is, but that’s not the end of it. Some warning signs are not obvious, like aggressive or abusive behavior. Being informed of common red flags will help so you can proceed with caution or end the relationship.
Lust can cloud your judgment in new relationships, making it hard to detect red flags. Toxic behavior like narcissism, gaslighting, and manipulation can go unnoticed or be overlooked at first.
Here are some less common but nonetheless important red flags to watch out for.
Frequent lying
If you are always catching him being dishonest, it’s a bad sign. Little white lies never harmed anyone, but someone who is getting caught up in his lying or consistently deceiving you is a warning sign.
Being lied to about important things over and over again can make it hard to develop a solid foundation in any relationship or even ruin foundations you’ve already built, making the relationship unpromising.
Frequent criticism
A boyfriend who’s always putting you down or criticizing you can impact your self-confidence, even if he’s doing it subtly. This is emotionally abusive behavior, which can lead to feelings of insecurity and anxiety in the relationship. Emotional abuse can contribute to poor self-esteem and depression. It’s imperative to acknowledge such behavior. If he refuses to change or take responsibility, it might be time to reconsider your partnership.
Not willing to compromise
Finally, you need to be cautious if your boyfriend isn’t willing to compromise even on little things. If he never compromises, you’re left over-compromising, resulting in a one-sided relationship. You will end up feeling dissatisfied, hurt, resentful, and misunderstood. Relationships are not a one-way street, and considering each other’s needs and wants is crucial.
