“Although I and my husband are not living with my in-laws, but they stay nearby and since our marriage there is constant interference of my mother-in-law. She decides on every issue related with us and sometimes my husband shares very personal matters with her. I think I am married to a mama’s boy. Whenever he and I disagree, he goes home and sleeps at his parent’s house. He constantly disrespects me and lets his mother tell him what to do. He says that his mama is always right. In no way am I trying to replace his mom, but as we are planning to extend our family he needs to grow and understand his responsibilities,” says Ritika Shah, who herself is a teacher in a school.
A husband who is mama’s boy maybe considered a good obedient son to his mother, but can never be a good husband to his wife because a mama’s boy can’t think beyond his mother’s happiness. He only does things that please his mom. Whatever things he will do to impress his wife, will only be compared to what his mother always do for him. His wife will always end up as second poor to what his mother have accomplished. His mother decides what he should do or plan his life. He has to consult his mother for everything.
No substitute for both
Men always play a dual role when asked to choose between mother and wife, because they want to please both of them. What they fail to understand is there is no need to choose. It is not about who is more important? A sensible balanced man would wisely choose to look at the crux of the issue, if there is any dispute between them.
Nobody can replace mother and certainly a wife is not a substitute for her. She is responsible for sharing his future as a willing partner in journey of life. But, usually an element of guilt is layered on to the man’s conscience when he is married. The mother feels insecure once the priorities changes in his son’s life. Some mothers have difficulty adjusting to the idea that somebody else can play an important role in their son’s life. So she makes him feel guilty for doing so. The husband feels he is betraying his mom while being a ‘good’ husband. Nobody can deny that a son has a responsibility towards his parents and if he is good enough in balancing the both of his responsibilities, he can lead a smooth life.
Allow him to grow
The closeness between mother-son can interfere and throttle your relationship with your husband. A mama’s boy husband doesn’t know his personal identity or rather say, he doesn’t even have his own identity. All he knew is what his mother had made him believed he is. All his life is dependent on what his mother will tell him to do and say. He always obeys his mother even to the point that his mother is already interfering with his marital life.
Women who share a good relationship with their husbands are less likely to hold on to their son’s unhappiness. A mother who really wants the well-being of her son will feel happy and proud to see her son acquire individuality. She will let him grow up and lead an independent life. She will not enchain him emotionally. She will certainly not remind him of what she did for him.
When a man clings to his mother’s hands even after growing up, it usually results in stifling interference in the husband-wife relationship. It creates misunderstandings, chokes communication channels and finally destroys married life. This is not a victory but rather a great defeat for a mother who should help him reaches maturity.
Don’t ask to choose one
When you realise that your husband is truly a ‘mama’s boy’ in every aspect of the word, never ever ask him to choose between you and his mother if you wish to save your heart from being hurt and neglected as it is certain that he will choose his mother over you. To handle this situation you need a patience and confidence, and of course little tactics. Never make a mistake of telling him to choose between the two of you. Your man’s mother has been, and will continue to be, an important part of his life.
Never bring your mother-in-laws flaws in front of him. He’ll just grow defensive and even if he knows you’re right, he’ll never admit it. Sincerely focus on your relationship with your spouse and do whatever you can to strengthen your bond with him. You might feel like an intruder in the house initially, but give it a few months and endear yourself to the family before taking any decisions.
Mothers influence sons considerably and guys sharing close rapport with their mothers make for great husbands. Give credit for this to his mother because she is responsible for her son’s caring and loving.