To all the people out there, I have a question that has been on my mind for a very long time. What do you think love is? Is it a selfish emotion or selfless emotion? To begin with, is love an emotion at all? There was an article I read some time ago which stated that ‘Love is a constant and not an emotion” and the way the article was written, I couldn’t agree more. It gave some relatable points where the writer said that all emotions have their own ques to show up and normally fade away after a certain event has passes. For example, you were angry with someone but once they apologized, you forgave them. Here we are dealing with emotions. But love doesn’t work that way (and we are not talking about infatuations and crush). Love remains no matter what our emotions are. It doesn’t just appear for an occasion and then disappear. When we truly love someone and our relationship is healthy, then love is not affected by anger, joy, sadness or anything else. The ‘Love’ alone stays in a different place. So, the first thing to know is that love is not an emotion it is just an activity of our brain (for all the dramatic people out there please read again; yes, it says the BRAIN not the heart! Lol), due to which we feel emotions.
Rephrasing the earlier question let me ask again, “What do you think? Is love selfish or selfless?”
First I tried to find the answer within me. ‘Love is selfish’ was my first conclusion. I looked at my relationship with my friends and the people around me and tried to think of why we were all together. I love my friends but would our friendship have been possible if they did not love me back? Or rather will I be able to love someone who does not love me back? No I won’t (this might be different for different people but this is just my opinion). Love is a true way process. You love someone when you love who they are and you won’t be able to tell who they are if you are not close enough to them i.e. you need to have a relation and that won’t be possible if the other person is not willing and won’t love back which is what makes sense to me and I said that love is selfish.
But then thought about dogs. I just love animals I had a pet dog (who died recently *snobs*) and then I realized that my theory was way off when it came to him. Of course, I would have been hurt if he would have suddenly started ignoring me and stuff but no matter what he did, my love for him was never going to go away. alas! I realized that I do love someone unconditionally. This goes for parental love as well but if truth be spoken there really are many parents out there who don’t love their kids much. But we are not taking about that sort of problems here so we’ll consider parental love to be unconditional as well.
So, then does the nature of love change according to the recipient? No, that too is not true. Then the main question is that why selfish love is in more numbers than selfless love? The answer is because it is a mistake on our part, we don’t know how to name relations and emotions.
Humans are small little confused beings and many of us don’t even know what we feel ourselves. Selfish love is not love. In fact, there is nothing like selfish love. It is a typo, a wrong word or call it what you wish but it does not exist. The problem with us is that we want to give serious names to the relations we have in our short period of life. We want to feel special and believe that we have been lucky enough to experience the fruit that tastes sweeter than… I donno, sweats I guess.
The uncontrollable, unending love a parent feel for their child or what I and many of you feel for their pets is unconditional love feels like. It is the best and safest feeling in the world. What we need to do is find a partner who makes us feel that way and feels the same too. Where there is no pride, ego, anger, hate, sorrow, loneliness, grief, etc., etc., is where true love lies for real.
So, let us stop naming each failed relationship as a failure to love or be loved. Love is not so weak and frankly, not so abundant. It takes time and luck to be able to experience it in its purest form. The only thing that we can do is hope to receive such love in this lifetime, respect any form of true love that we have by our side (and not ignore it if it is not your bf/gf) and hope to be able to love back someone with such purity.
Let us spread the love!