Stages Of Love
Love has always been the biggest mysteries of the world. It can be a great power while at the same time it can be the greatest weakness. Love has the power to make a person wise, while at the same time it can even drive a person insane. History tells us that while love has fueled wars and changed the face of planet; it has also been the driving force for bringing changes in our society for the better. So we deduce that love is an emotion that is all powerful, mutable and multifaceted. It is one thing which is perfect and real in this universe Understanding love, which every human being longs for naturally, is arguably the most important lesson a person can learn in his or her lifetime.
A great many of the pleasures, virtues and difficulties of relationships do only reveal themselves over time. Psychologically speaking there are almost five predictable love stages that most of the couples experience. At each stage, which is generally built on the last, couples need a pause to thoughtfully arrive at a decision to either move forward or not.
Unfortunately, some people don’t fully feel and process every stage as an opportunity for personal growth or to make a healthy evaluation about the relationship or about them. By understanding the under mentioned five stages one can navigate through each stage more successfully. These stages have been identified and studied by the famous psychologist Dr Susan Campbell.
1. The Romance Stage:
This stage has been designed by nature for us to fall in love. This ways nature ensures that we adapt and grow. We are just swept off our feet. Nature just drugs us to fall in love. It begins with the sweet and syrupy state of infatuation. It is so very wonderful and is often very difficult to resist. Our body releases dopamine, resulting in full body euphoria. Our hormones do not coincide with our logic. We do stupid things like checking our texts every minute, being dreamy and looking at the world with the rose tinted glasses. Brain scans reveal that our brain is almost same as the brain on heroin at times but, the brain does not stay in the same state all the time therefore we may experience our attraction for the person to either ebb or flow at different points. The drug induced haze forces us to put our best foot forward. We generally tend to overlook our partners flaws in this stage.
2. The power struggle stage:
There are, of course, some very reasonable ideas behind our collective valorisation for being in love ever after but the life-long love story can become true only if the relationship is nurtured by both the parties in wake of realities. For unfortunately the highest percentage of break ups and divorces happen during this stage. During this stage, instead of focusing on similarities, as couples did in the previous stage, most couples start viewing their differences negatively. Often one partner pulls away as they need more space, while the other starts to aggressively chase the other feeling emotionally deserted. Eventually, we all have to see the reality so there is no need to fuss too much. The goal of this stage should be to maintain ones autonomy in the relationship without destroying the love and harmony between the two of you. One should try to handle this stage with lot of patience and maturity. One can understand that they have graduated from the power struggle stage once we realize the following aspects.
• The mutual differences are accepted and appreciated by both the partners.
• Both have learnt to share the power without the use of force.
• Realize and work upon your goals.
• Stop fantasising over a harmony without struggle.
• Surrender to life as it comes.
At times some people quit midway as it appears lot of hard work, but one should keep holding on the fort and seek professional help if required.( One may Quit in case of any form of abuse is experienced).
When both the partners understand that their love is for ever, they work harder and prioritize it more than anything else in their lives. They know that there is no option to avoid some necessary but unpleasant issues, they try utmost to understand their partners psyche. Parallel to this, they will also show reserves of tenderness and vulnerability without being critical. They will learn to apologize and forgo their ego. They will grow up. And in the meantime, day-to-day, they will sample the modest but genuine pleasures of cozy Sunday evenings together.
3. The Stability Stage:
Once one has mastered the art of fighting where both of them emerge as winners, the couple move to more relaxed stability stage. Here the thrill of being in love returns but it is no more the mad love one experienced in the initial romance stage but a more matured and deeper form of love. In this stage you stop struggling to change your partner. When two people know it is forever, they will work harder than at anything else in their lives, there is no option to avoid some necessary but unpleasant issues, they will do their utmost to understand the mysteries of the other’s psyche, and they will show reserves of tenderness and vulnerability they wouldn’t ever otherwise have accessed. They will learn to apologise and reach modesty about their own shortcomings. They will grow up. And in the meantime, day-to-day, they will sample the modest but genuine pleasures of cosy Sunday evenings together it is ok with their partner being different from them.
4. The commitment Stage:
In this stage one completely surrenders to the reality that both the partners in the relationship are different. They start accepting each other as they are. Both the partners start experiencing a beautiful relationship that is full of fun, love, belonging and it is well balanced. This is a beautiful stage with only one drawback being that the partners start putting in any effort believing that they are no more required to work upon their relationship.
5. The total Bliss:
At this stage both the partners are one team and they move forward together. Now they move beyond the relationship and their partnership is not only rewarding for them, instead it becomes a gift to the world. As it has been named, with this stage the blissful journey is hence commenced, as love is perfect.