Shalini was confused whether it was just a crush or love. It was not the first time when she had developed a liking for someone, but it always faded away in no time. This was different. It was lingering in her mind, day and night to such an extent that she was mentally making love to him despite her husband sleeping next to her. It was just like falling in love. His presence gave her a high, his talks excited her and she longed to be in his company. She knew this was not morally correct, but felt helpless. She was happily married with a loving and caring husband and had a child too.

He was her new neighbour who was friendly with her husband. Probably he too was attracted to Shalini. But both had not confessed to each other. When this went on for weeks Shalini started feeling guilty. She did not want to jeopardize her marriage nor was she able to neglect her new charm. She loved her husband and was very happy with him. She wrote to some websites’ personal column seeking help but somehow did not get much advice that could save her. This is a normal thing for many married women to happen. Attraction knows no marital bonds, that you can get attracted before marriage and not after marriage.

But there are a lot of complications if you get attracted after marriage, for you are already in a committed relationship. Those who take a plunge into such relationships not only ruin their marriage but also hurt their husband and family. If such a crush is managed in a proper way then it will fade away as time passes.

Act mature: It is pretty natural for humans to evaluate others as potential partners. Just take it naturally and do not dig much into it. Train your mind to think about him only as your husband’s friend and treat him the same way. And your attraction will fade away in no time. Do not feel guilty, for crushes are normal for everyone.

Shift focus: Do not focus on it, nor spend your energy thinking whether it’s a crush or love, whether he is feeling the same way you do. Do not try to please or attract him. Do not act in a way that lets him know about your feelings. Shift your focus on some creative hobby or work that you enjoy.

Mark priorities: Do you want to ruin all your relations for a momentary pleasure or live a life of respect and security? Whether your husband and children are important or that man. You will never be able to manage both together.

Spice up your life with husband: Remember all the good qualities of your husband that got you attracted to him initially. Research shows that those with greater relationship satisfaction pay less attention to alternative partners. Figure out any problem between you and your husband and work on it. Maybe, you are filling that empty space by getting attracted. Remember all good times with your husband and how much he loves you, understand your happiness and sorrows, and how much he cares for your needs. Spice up your sex life with your husband.

Family time: Take a family holiday for some days. This will surely help you to get over the initial strong attraction with the other man. Better if it’s only you and your husband. Relive your honeymoon days.

Keep it a secret: Your attraction should be a secret between you and your heart. Do not tell anyone especially your husband. Do not burden your husband’s mind with every wayward thought or questionable impulse that passes through your mind. Couples need to be frank but also determine how much information to pass each other to else their marriage will get into troubled.

Set boundaries:

Talk to this man as little as possible even if it sounds rude to him. If you are already messaging or chatting with him in private then start limiting your communication. Gradually it will get over. No need of giving him an explanation for your limited conversation.

Be with other men too so that he sees you are normally friendly to all not only him. If you are meeting him, meet in a group not in private.
Do not stand too close to him.
Do not ask for details or talk much about this man to your husband or anyone else. More information will lead to more thinking.
If anything urgent let him approach your husband after all, he is your husband’s friend!
Focus on things that you do not like about him.
Do not discuss your personal problems with him.
Even in fun do not tell him that you have a crush on him. You never know how he will reciprocate.
Remember, out of sight out of mind.
Crushes will come and go and if your marriage is going to last then you will need to figure out how to manage these crushes, for this will not be the last one you will ever feel.

Categories: Partners