More than half of all couples are unhappy.
By S C Dhall
More than 50 per cent people say that their partner is no longer affectionate, 25 per cent say that their sex life is obligatory, 33 per cent say that acts of spontaneity have ceased, 13 per cent don’t share the same vision for their lives, 19 per cent don’t spend enough time together, and 7 per cent don’t even like each other anymore. Holy relationship sadness! Almost makes you want to stay single – forever. People in a happy relationship, now would be the time to pipe up and offer words of encouragement!
According to one of the studies, six out of 10 couples are no longer in the honeymoon phase. To be precise, they are fairly miserable and feel their relationship has much room for improvement. Of those six couples, four of them want out and one out of 10 doesn’t even trust their partner anymore. Geez, why even stay together at that point? But the stats get more depressing.
It’s perhaps inevitable that some of the romance will go out of a relationship as time passes. And, for some couples, that spontaneity is replaced by a steady and deepening affection.
But not for as many people as we would like to think. In fact, most couples are unhappy in their relationship.
More than six out of 10 adults in a relationship admit there is a lot they could do to improve their love life – and four out of 10 admit they have considered leaving their partner.
The sad fact of the matter is that when people first start dating, they go to great lengths to appeal to each other by being sexy, romantic and giving.
Daters go an extra mile – planning special trips to nice places, showering the object of their affection with gifts, and paying lots of attention to everything their loved one has to say.
But once that honeymoon period is over, it is all too easy to start taking each other for granted. Once couples fall in love and settle down, they fall out of the habit of making an effort.
10 things for unhappy couples,
10 relationship gripes
Lack of spontaneity
Lack of romance
Terrible sex life
No time to give each other attention
Lack of time to talk
Don’t want the same things for the future
Don’t trust each other
Lack of affection
No longer fancy each other
Many are stuck in a rut with their sex life and have no idea how to re-create the passion they once enjoyed.
Forty-six per cent of people wished their loved one initiated sex more often and 45 per cent said they would like it if things were more adventurous in the bedroom.
Three-quarters of couples don’t have anywhere near as much sex now as they did when they started dating.
Factors such as making each other laugh, trust, honesty and having time for each other are important for a lasting relationship. Great sex is also a really big deal for many. The survey wasn’t entirely gloomy. Six out of 10 said their loved one was kind, four out of 10 still find them good looking and six out of 10 love the fact they are funny and have a good personality.
Couples must learn from their mistakes
We all know that couple: The one that bickers at dinner parties and makes snide remarks behind each other’s back. The one that prompts the question: Why are they still together?
But contemptuous couples don’t get that way overnight. To help you and your partner, avoid the same fate, we asked relationship experts to share some of the biggest mistakes people in unhappy relationships make – and how to course-correct if you’ve made them. See what they had to say.
Behaviour now to their before behaviour
Couples are never more romantic than in the early days of a relationship. It’s inevitable that some of the romance will fade over time – and while it’s important to address it, bringing up the past rarely helps the matter.
A spouse in an unhappy marriage might complain “You used to be so romantic.” Unfortunately, the other partner’s response is often a defensive one.
Instead of getting bogged down in the past, see what happens when you tell your spouse you miss him or her. Often it is intimacy that we are seeking with our spouse and anger only serves to push him or her away. Communication is the bridge to intimacy. When we feel connected with our spouse, we feel loved and valued.
Let go of your passive aggression
The road to divorce is paved with passive aggressive digs and eye roll . If your partner models contemptuous behaviour, you’ll most likely pick up that vibe and escalate the issue. You’ll both walk away silently cursing each other. To put an end to the silent treatment, you need to get smarter with your argument style
The next time you argue, take note of how one person’s attitude is contagious. Instead of matching attitude, stop the bad-attitude train. Listen and try to figure out what exactly your partner is trying to say to you.
They can’t agree on who’s right and who’s wrong
It’s exhausting to be in a relationship with someone who has to have the final say in everything. Partners who need to be right at the expense of their loved one’s feelings push the other away. They try to get the other person to submit by shaming them, bullying them, out-smarting them or shutting them out.
They put in more phone time than face time
We’re all guilty of glancing at our phones when we should be engaging with our partners. According to psychologists, if you do it too often, it sends a powerful non-verbal message to your partner. ‘Whatever I’m doing on my phone is far more important than you.’
A starting place to move beyond the behaviour “could just be turning off, muting or putting your phone out of reach at dinner. This allows your partner to have your full attention and sends the non-verbal message that time together is important.
They allow their relationship to grow stale
If you want a long-term relationship to last, making an effort to share new and exciting experiences is essential. When couples fall into ruts and routines, they stop growing together and run the risk of growing apart.
Too much passive disconnected activity – watching TV, surfing Internet, reading – can erode a sense of connection and lure couples into a cycle of disengagement.
If you find yourself bored by your partner, recommend trying something new together: tackle that recipe you found on Pinterest, go for a hike or schedule date nights again.
They lose sight of their partnership
Your partner should be your ride-or-die bestie, your partner in crime. One thing unhappy couples have in common is losing sight of that unbreakable partnership .
Life changes when we marry or get serious. Maybe the wife’s focus is the children and the husband feels left out or the husband works long, late hours and the wife feels alone. We start to go through the motions and we don’t feel bonded or connected anymore. To regain that sense of partnership, try to actively show your partner how much you appreciate him or her.
Tell and show you care. Pause for a moment when your partner comes home to welcome and embrace him or her. Be affectionate. It helps forge connection and closeness. It’s a reminder that he or she is your one and only.
Don’t underestimate the power of playful pinches on the bum and hand-holding in public. Couples on the fritz tend to put physical contact and the intimacy on the back burner.
Human touch is a cornerstone of bonding and has been shown to drive up oxytocin – dubbed the cuddle hormone – that in turn facilitates attachment. If you’re in a relationship, make sure to do the little things: kiss each other when you say goodbye, hug more frequently or just hold hands while driving or watching TV. It will make a difference.