How to avoid them.
By Padmini Singh
Between husband and wife there will be difference of opinion and views, different ways of doing or saying something, misunderstandings and wrong interpretations of what has been said. This may lead to frustration, disgruntling, argument, minor rifts and even fights. It is seen that to begin with these issues of discord are trivial, many of which can be ignored or sorted out very easily. Keeping the spouse pleased and happy in married life is wished by every husband and wife. It is often said that you cannot please everybody but your spouse is not among that everybody. He or she is special for you with whom one desires and aims to live with happily and harmoniously for the whole life.
Suresh is often preoccupied thinking about some problems of his business even when he is with his wife Rekha. Due to this he usually fails to give undivided attention to what his wife tells him about her physical ailments. Rekha feels neglected and hurt about this attitude of her husband towards her and remains unhappy despite all the material luxuries provided by Suresh for her. What she expects from him is some compassion, caring and support. Sympathising words and arranging for some treatment, if required, would have given her a lot of solace and happiness.
Keep your wife pleased
Treat your spouse with dignity, respect, courtesy and love, all those things which you expect for yourself. The mutual trust gives security and the good feeling that there is nothing to feel insecure about. Confidence, truthfulness and mutual respect for each other are the key point on which the marriage is built. In daily life, a wife wants her husband to be tender and soft and to have intimate sharing and an emotional bond with her.
Praise your spouse at every opportunity. Appreciate her for all the good acts and for her overall contribution for the good of the family. Do not criticise your spouse and never, never in front of another person.
Life as such has far too many problems, so it is not worth fighting over issues arising in married life. One does not lose or win with one’s own spouse. Nobody is perfect, so ignore each other’s shortcomings and mistakes. Do not nag or try to change your spouse. Be tactful, let the change come gradually.
Do not compare your spouse with others.
Give space to each other so that each spouse has some time to spend in her own way with friends, parents and do the things of her choice.
One need not always agree on everything which your spouse says, have your own views and give voice to it but do not force it or argue vehemently lest the situation becomes unpleasant.
Pamper each other. Give surprise gifts for no reason at all and behave as if you are courting each other or as you were enjoying during the first few weeks after marriage.
Forgive and forget. Accumulating hurt and nursing negative feelings can do more harm to the relationship of married couples. There are times when it is hard to forgive but if you remain a little flexible and forgive your spouse, it strengthens the bond between you. It is always better to iron out issues. If that is not possible, overlook and ignore them.
Make compromises by meeting the partner midway, which does not mean that you lose face. Keep loving each other through romantic gestures, talk and actions. You can be assertive with your spouse but never be aggressive, abusive, adamant or dominant. Be supportive and gentlemanly towards your spouse if you are assertive. It is not appropriate to be assertive in all situations.
It always helps to keep your ego low and go that extra mile to prove your love. Let there be free expression of basic emotions without which the relationship stagnates. Pay attention to what your partner says. Listen to her, women often complain that their husbands do not listen to them or give them sufficient time and they feel neglected and lonely. Talking it over with each other is important for maintaining harmony in married life. By talking to each other the couple can come to a negotiated settlement.
The husband must make efforts to know and understand his wife’s nature and mood, her liking and disliking, what pleases her and what annoys her and what is not liked by her. He should give her priority to do errands for her. He should not make her wait for anything and respond cheerfully when asked to do something. Agreeing with her is safer than arguing.
Though the new generation does not like to be dominated by anyone, most women like to be dominated a little and feel pleased with a manly husband. A husband need not be too soft or just a yes-man wagging his tail at the wife’s command. Otherwise she will take him as a sissy and have no respect for him.
What does a woman really want? A woman wants to be in charge of her own life. If you let her have her way in household matters, she does all the chores willingly and cheerfully because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life. If you don’t let a woman have her own way as a homemaker things are going to get ugly. So, husbands must be careful and must always remember: it is either her way or on way to avoid turmoil in their relationship.
The wife wants her husband’s undivided, unshakable love. Be faithful to her. If she is loved with full devotion, she will do everything, ignoring her own discomfort. Sacrifices and compromises she may have to make for the sake of her husband, children and family.
They want the husband’s appreciation of their good work carried out throughout the day. Wives want and crave for hearing appreciating words about their dress, make-up, food preparation, tidiness of the house, looking after the visitors, guests and relatives and looking after him, children and elders.
All wives want to sit, chat and be with their husbands when they are free. Men become so workaholic and money-minded that they have no time for the family. They must reschedule their appointments, commitments, cutting down on wasteful talk, e-mails and phone calls and avoid home-coming late. Men must curtail time spent on TV, computer, phones, card games, club life and friends which should be spent for enjoying the family life.
A wife expects her husband to be magnanimous by ignoring her minor lapses which often happen due to overwork, oversight or due to forgetfulness.
Some career women have no or very little time to look after the home, children or husband. The home has to be managed with the help of a considerate and co-operative husband.
A wife needs constant reassurance of the husband’s love for her and judges it by the attention and care he gives to her. She wants words that translate into affection, attention and commitment. A wife needs to old be told repeatedly the magic words, “I love you” by her husband. Holding hands, touching each other, hugging, caressing and cuddling enhances bonding.
A few women are proud of their parents, highly placed relatives of her side, own education and higher salaries are difficult to be pleased. However, it is said that love has great power and can win anyone.