Breaking is hard to do, at least according to one famous sixties’ hit song. But does it always have to be an end to something, or could it indeed be the start of something new? Let’s have a look at how you can best navigate the waters of splitting up…
- Employ a social media strategy
Today, social media is unavoidable. Although it may be a great platform to share good news it can also be an unhealthy outlet for breakups. Having a sneak peek of your ex with his new beau, checking out their photo likes, and sharing an ill-thought-out meme that you’ll later regret are all so easily done. Start as you mean to go on with social channels by muting, unfollowing and/or blocking. Time this well and don’t use it as a means of passively aggressively sending a signal to your ex. By unfollowing or muting your ex (including friends and family too, if necessary) you are placing a new boundary and protecting your feelings and emotions at a time when you are vulnerable.
- Close off ‘closure’
Closure means something different for everyone. If you have unanswered questions after your break up, and have tried to get some clarity with no avail – that’s your closure, right there. When you are shocked by a surprise split, it’s perfectly natural to want to know what happened and why. You may feel you need this to move on. But often you will never really know and you can tie yourself in knots chatting with friends about ‘what ifs’ and maybes. This will only keep you in a loop of unhappy thoughts. Over time, try to make peace with what has happened and move on as soon as you can.
- Time heals
Speaking of time, remember the adage ‘time heals all wounds’? Although some wounds take longer, this is almost always the case. That said, don’t rush through your feelings, take time to fully process what has happened. Don’t dismiss it as just a break up – be kind to yourself and acknowledge that what you have been through has hurt you and you are entitled to feel sad and upset. It’s much like the grieving process where you will go through various stages until reach full acceptance. Everyone’s journey is different, so don’t compare how long it takes you compared with a friend.
- Create a new you
Some breakups can result in reduced self-esteem. You may feel rejected, as if your worst fears about yourself have been confirmed. This can lead to a general low regard for yourself, although you may not realise it. While that is understandable, obviously it doesn’t serve you well. Make a conscious effort to reframe the situation to your advantage. Spend time with friends who will remind you of what a good person you are and why you are worthy of being loved. If you are still struggling, professional therapy can help you develop a more positive view of yourself.
- Learn from it
Finally, there’s usually a lesson in every life experience. Put your breakup to its best use by learning from it. Have a look at how you got into the relationship – was it the right time and will you do this again? You may want to look deeper into your own approach to relationships and even delve into attachment theory to see if there is a pattern for attracting the wrong person. You may find you need to do a little work on yourself to improve your future relationships and build your confidence. When you are learning from new experiences it can be a good time to discover more about yourself. Taking up a new hobby or interest can help you take this one step further and really find out what it is you want and what makes you happy.
