Shaming – Instilled or Soaked
We go through a plethora of emotions. Shaming is one emotion we are introduced to as a fetus and when as babies we start touching our private parts. As soon as the baby starts running without any clothes.
The first thing an elder would say is “Shame Shame”.
That’s where it starts.
Shaming begins from an early age.
We are made to feel ashamed of our body
We are made to feel ashamed of our feelings
We are made to feel ashamed of every act
We are made to feel ashamed of every Mistake.
We as ladies are made to also feel ashamed of giving birth to a girl
We are also being ashamed of not having a baby!
So on and so forth…
Now as a child when we are made to feel ashamed, we will keep shaming others.
How can we consciously make sure not to instill shaming!
1. Stop using the word Shame Shame!
Every time you want to tell a baby or someone shame. Take a pause and ask yourself what do you want to convey? How would it make you feel? How did it make you feel when someone said this to you?
Consciously put a STOP.
- Work on your self worthPeople who shame others and put others down need help. They are emotionally broken souls who need to work on their self-worth. As kids when parents / elders keep putting us down . We stop loving ourselves . We stop respecting ourselves . And in turn we stop loving and respecting others. Time to value yourself and others.
3. Let your kids roam around naked :
If you are a mother let your babies roam around naked when you are around. Touch them gently. Babies understand mothers’ language. And the way you touch their body. They will feel it. When they reach toddler age, teach them safe touch and Unsafe touch. This way they will honor their body parts.
4. Making mistakes is Human
What would this world be if we never made mistakes? Making mistakes is being human. Deal with them. Don’t go in a guilt trip. Instead, get up and work on it. Work on not making the same mistakes. If you learn to forgive yourself, you will forgive others and you wouldn’t shame others for making mistakes.
5. No one is superior or Inferior
Everyone is human and until we die we will go through all sorts of emotions. We cant divide the emotion between good or bad. We have to acknowledge and honor every feeling inside. We shame others when we feel we are superior to someone or we have name fame money, more power, the authority than others. Now when we touch base . We realise we are all equal . Everyone is on a different level of transformation . And shaming will definitely not make some one feel better . Treat everyone equally .
6. Love yourself
The definition of loving yourself is not taking a selfie. It’s not putting makeup, masking your emotion , shopping , partying . Loving yourself is feeling every emotion . Unless you feel every emotion . You are not loving yourself . Feel the shame , feel embarrassment , feel everything , every sensation and come out of it . Let it sink in .
7. Be in awareness
The time you pause and acknowledge your emotions is the time you need to pat your back. Because you are aware of your emotions. Now take a step ahead and consciously put a stop to shame, instead of putting someone uplift the. Being in awareness makes you take a conscious act.
8. Take ownership of your life
It’s important to take responsibility for every act and every situation in life. We shame others when we don’t take charge of our life. When we feel helpless. When we are dependent. If we have have been shamed. See why did you attract it. Work on increasing your self-worth. Don’t let people decide your worth.
9. Forgive and seek forgiveness
There are times we don’t want to forgive or seek forgiveness. But it’s very important to forgive yourself for putting yourself down and putting others down. Everyday looks into the mirror and do a hoponopono excercise . “I am sorry”
Please forgive me
I love you
Never stop attending workshops. The workshops keeps you grounded and helps you look within .
10. Connect to a brigade that uplifts you
Your company makes a lot of difference. Make sure to keep yourself surrounded by ladies who motivate you . Network with ladies who can add value and where your skills are appreciated .
By: Heena S Khera, A former media person , banker .